%%closedtemporarily%%



Tuesday, May 17, 2005
7:09 AM

hello.

its me again.

duh.

anyways

i feel left out sometimes

like people really dont know me or who i am

people like mouse or something think they're my good friend and then suddenly -kabam- and i think that serously they arent really real after all

anyone wants honesty?

and this -other- person

she just doesnt seem like sh elikes me as much as others

oh damn

and lauren is really sweet but i just dont know whether shes really my REALY friend

yiling is nice x)

jia ni is really sweet x)

i still treat them al as my friends

and then i relise that really

i dont have many frens

like i only have a couple

and now i think that were not REALLY frens?

now thats weird
.

i feel really

unloved.

right now.

seriously

does anyone care?

that i find everyone so

unclose to me

and that i feel REALLY unloved

and that really hardly anyone wants to know me at all

right now cheryl and lau are still my friends la

but im feeling doubtful

is this a frenship?

i dunno la.

%%grey%%


Tuesday, May 10, 2005
7:20 AM

help

now i really dont know what to do

jacky has so many frens

and i have close frens

but i dont want so many pple coming to our special "oarty"

its just like

id feel left out

really left out

becoz i hate it

its suppsoed to be fun

i just dont go then i suppose

i really feel REALLY sad

like id feel so left out

the in group of the others

im not in

really.

%%grey%%


Friday, April 29, 2005
5:21 AM

outside

in the rain

forgive me

let me in

and tell me you know

that youll be like before

ive forgotten

the things youve done

so let me in
your heart.

%%grey%%



5:18 AM

were gonna rock

this place down

ROCK IT OUT

blast them down

dance sadistically round

its the saccharine sweet smile

were gonna RCOK you dont

were gonna STONE you down

were gonna ROCK THE TRASH.

%%grey%%



5:14 AM

were gonna rock

this place down

ROCK IT OUT

blast them down

dance sadistically round

its the saccharine sweet smile

were gonna RCOK you dont

were gonna STONE you down

were gonna ROCK THE TRASH.

%%grey%%



5:09 AM

ive known too many times

never to try know you anymore

why did i fall into your trap?

why didnt i leave?

you caught me in yoru clutches

and i fell.. like rain to the ground

dont undestant

whathappened??

never knew

you change so fast

grasp me in a clutch

crushed my emotion

left me in the lurch

in the dark

i can still see your smirk

youre sadistic

youre waiting for me to suffer

im going to climb up

im going to show you what i can do

youre not the ONLY one

i got crushed

youve won the battle

but not the war.

watch out

for the refreshed me.

%%grey%%



5:07 AM

im just me


nothing new

nothing more than what i should be

nothing less

its not a mask

its not paint

its me

persona is original

smile is copyright

look all rights reserved

its just me

not a mask

not paint

its no parade day.

%%grey%%



5:00 AM

im so proud of you

dont know how to say

when you appear clueless infront of me

i really want to thank you

its just my pride,

i feelguilt

becasue i didnt help

youre always there for me

and i never noticed

thought you were a bitch

but you were silently there

you really treated me like someoneelse
like the person i really wanted to be

i felt important

like you really were my friend

i asked you why

you knew didnt you

you just told me the right

thoght your were wrong

guess i thought wrong then

because i heed your advice

leading me to greater heights

somewhere like heaven

pathed with kindaness love

i thank you

youre not very special on the outside

but youre the PRETTIEST inmy eyes

becuase your personality

is the best in the world.

%%grey%%


Thursday, April 28, 2005
3:54 AM

the sun is shing and im still waiting

for the day to end

its the best darn day of my life

when it seems to never end

yesaterday the flowers smelled

so sweet never before

the earth seemed liek the wonderful place once more!


its the sunshining

its the friends i have again

its ignoring

the badness of the FRIENDS

its just not to worry

its just to do your best and try

its just to tumble

tumble and let your worries dry

everyday i ponder for the

happiness of life

and i found it in mine

but its the deception of lies

smothering ALL


the days gotta be

better than life has been

its not a jackass

its just the LIFE THE WAY CAN BE



ill dance for everyday

with life the BEST it can be

its there forveer

its gonna LIFE BEST WEEK

funy how i asked you why i

thought itll never be gone

now itll stay forver

in heart too

engraved in stone

my life is known

happy days again!

%%grey%%


Sunday, April 24, 2005
12:30 AM

sometimes..

things just dont happn the way you want them too

you think shes mad

you think im mad

whats wrong?

misundestanding

you didnt understand

youreally didnt know

who i am

i keep thinking bout the days

we had happiness to stay

and i wish wed all be friends again

who am i

should that peopel scorn at me

that i feel the way the way i do

that ignore the world around

and cry to helpless

who am i

do i deserve the love and care

and do i know who yu are

i am

the DESERTED

the LONELY

the FRIENDLESS

thats

who i am.

%%grey%%


Friday, April 22, 2005
7:44 PM

i thin k i hate you



maybe i do



took away my hapiness



dropped it like glass




shattered like it too



you left flowers under your feet



trampled,



half happiness, half sadness



why are you so powerful



why are you so controling



who are you?



youre the cause



im the effect



why you



you throw it away



like never happended before



then grab it



deperately for help



i fall for your trick again



im spinning out of control



i dont know you



who are you?



you were different



you WERE



not now



you seem so close



yet so far



i cant talk



when you are there



this aching pain



deep within



where is it from?



my guilty conscience?



or is it my pity



i cant tell.



its you.



definitely you.



you spite



youre the cause



im left trampled on the ground



im the effect



youll be with me on my dying day



youll be the cause



and ill be the effect



i scream help



you never listen



its always the passerby



we talk about you



you dont listen



youre just different



from before.



its new



its shiny



its different



different from the effect



dull and gray



you dont come anymore



youre just weird



i know i am



you call me weird



but youre the cause



and im the effect



youre the pain



and im the hurt.

%%grey%%



7:30 PM

youd make me cry

just watching you

wrench my heart

you really woudnt know

you DONT KNOW

stop crying

ill cry with you

for eternity

you brighten my day

seeing you cry would kill me

i dont know

killing me quietly

muffled sounds

with no idea

you weep

and confort you

desperately

and i love you

and relise

youre much more than i knew

spend the rest of the day

crying with you

dont cry anymore

becuase you wrench my heart
'
and youd make me worse

dont cry

dont weep

because ill cry with you

and because

i love you.

%%grey%%


Friday, April 15, 2005
8:38 PM

you probably wouldnt understand. you hate me of course.

i try to talk to you

all you can manage s a hi

as in you wouldnt want me there

you thought i was mad at you???

well now you are.

you treat me like effing dust

i hate you and your dumb clique

i hate you

i hate you

id hate you more

if you came crawling back to me

you dont understand do you?

left out

unhappy

you make me

you make me water

you make me sad

i hate you

you smudged

you stained

youre terrible

i hate you.

you cracked

me.

my sanity

my friendship

flown away

i owuldnt mind

if you treated me and my friendship

like EFFING dust.

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